This month the Sex & Relationship columnists responded to a recent report in the Daily Mail about cheaters and their behavior. Here’s what Didi has to say about cheaters…
Have you ever caught your partner cheating and stayed with them? This is one of those awkward questions that nobody ever actually wants to address. If it rings true, then we don’t want to admit it. If it doesn’t ring true, then it still scratches at that irritating self-conscious questions of ‘what if’. We all know that there are several reasons people cheat. They could be selfish, careless, reckless, out of love, feeling invincible, drunk (which is arguably the worst excuse out there), or just flat out psychologically challenged in one way or another. The list goes on and on, and it’s been covered a thousand times over.
But, why do people stay when they’ve been cheated on? Are you on this list? Here are a few of the top reasons:
It isn’t uncommon for couples to live their day to day lives without much emotion for each other. The entire relationship could revolve around convenience. There may not be a sexual need of a partner. They may lean on and complement each other in terms of daily tasks, and either social or religious standing. If this be the case, why leave? If the act of cheating doesn’t leave any kind of emotional scar, yet a separation would flip your life upside down, then staying would inevitably be the obvious choice.
When couples have children it’s a whole different ball game. A lot of mommies or daddies sacrifice their happiness, for the sake of raising their children in a home where both of their parents live under the same roof. Sometimes it’s for the best, sometimes it clearly isn’t. Either way, kids are one of the main reasons a betrayed spouse winds up staying with their partner.
This is possibly one of the most depressing reasons. People often feel like the lesser person, like it’s their own fault. They feel ugly, not worth it, and like if they try harder then maybe their partner wouldn’t want anyone else.
In a way gullibility goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. They believe the excuses and/or apologies that their partner is shoving down their throats. Granted, there is the rare occasion that the cheater will actually stick to their word, and stay faithful after being caught… But like I said, it’s rare.
Not much explanation is needed for this one. Some people love their partner so much they’d rather share them with someone, than live without them. Some people cling onto their feelings and their longing for that love, that every single fibre of their being forgives the cheating partner. It’s bittersweet really. They’ll do anything to make it work for the sake of keeping that feeling intact.
Hmm … This one is twisty. A cheater may “forgive” and stick around, if they too are hiding a little secret of their own.
Fear Of Violence
This reason is so common it’s sickening, and it’s spreading like a plague. Domestic violence is everywhere. It could be possible no one around the couple even knows what’s going on, right under their noses. Sadly, the odds could possibly be– if someone is being abused physically, they could also have an unfaithful partner. Even sadder, the odds could also possibly be–if a person is too afraid to leave someone for physically abusing them, possibly they won’t leave if their partner cheated either.
Fear Of Change
The fear of change is as real as blood, spit and bone. It’s a common phobia, and the bigger the change, the bigger the fear. If a partner stays with their cheating spouse because they’re afraid of change, then studies say they’re likely to blame it on other reasons.
A person’s age plays a huge part when it comes to the standing of a rocky relationship. One may feel too old to start over. Too old to date again, too old to be single, too old to find someone new. It isn’t uncommon for someone to stick around with an unfaithful partner for the sole reason of age. They may also possibly not want to die alone.
This may not always be as greedy as it sounds. Some couples are one sided, with one bringing in the money for years. This may lead the non- earning/ lesser earning partner to feel like they can’t earn their own income. They may feel incompetent in some ways, and be afraid that they can’t sustain themselves. Some in this situation would rather stay with a cheater, than be broke or fend for themselves financially. And of course, some people really are greedy, caring more about money than faithfulness.