In today’s dating world, many individuals are looking for hookups or meaningful relationships, and either choice is perfectly fine! Given people want different things, wouldn’t they want to be successful in dating and having the outcome they desire? If they desire to date for fun, then they should do everything possible to attain that goal. If one is dating to find a relationship then they better go after that desire! But we are all humans, with fears, insecurities, and maybe some trust issues. With all that in the mix, self-sabotaging can become a problem.
When people lie they are not showing the people around them the true version of themselves. We show them a façade, something we think they want. If your goal is to date and to continue dating not wanting to settle down, don’t lie to your date and say you want a relationship. Same goes for those looking for relationships, don’t lie and say you just want to date.
People are selfish, not selfless
What defines love? Selflessness. These days people are the opposite, they are selfish. They are constantly thinking about themselves, their needs, their desires, which leaves no room for another person in their lives. Now, everyone can be selfish to a degree, but when the selfishness is a basic characteristic of the person and they cannot put themselves in another’s shoes, that’s a problem. With dating, everyone is thinking about what they want, and what they want right now. The thing about relationships is that compromise is one of the key pillars in a relationship to keep it alive. Without compromise, there will be fights, resentments, and worse, silence and total loss of communication. If you’re adventuring into the dating world, go in knowing you are going to be giving something to the other person. If you’re not ready to give, then don’t expect to take without the relationship ending before it ever began.
People can be cynical
When people are cynical they are usually not optimistic and trusting. Maybe they have been cheated on, betrayed, lied to, which has eroded their sense of trust over time and now they simply live by the belief that love doesn’t exist. When someone goes into the dating world with such a pessimistic attitude, others are going to pick up on that. Your date will see you aren’t hopeful.
People fret over the “dating rules”
If people are constantly worrying about how to date “properly” nothing will be accomplished. If you want to call the next day, you go ahead and call them! Don’t wait the three days “you’re supposed to,” or you might miss out on them. Instead of trying to follow these made up societal rules, follow your “rules.” If you don’t believe in sleeping with someone until you’re in a committed relationship, then do that. If you want to text them every other day, go ahead. If you want to set up a date twice a week, in the beginning, go ahead! Follow your heart and don’t overthink this.
People are more intimate with their phones than their dates
These days people are glued to their technology, which is having a negative impact on dating. When you’re constantly on your device, you are not connecting or getting to know the other person. If you are dating, agree to put the phones away until the date is over. Be polite, ask questions, get to know the person you’re out on a date with. Don’t be checking Twitter, or Facebook, or god forbid a dating app while on your date! Be present with the person you’re within that moment.
Reading all those self-sabotaging behaviors, remember when entering the dating world, be honest, connected, empathetic, and selfless if you want to succeed.